The Inward Journey Of Laura Palmer Part One

The Inward Journey Of Laura Palmer
The last issue of Wrapped in Plastic inspired me to write the Inward Journey
Of Laura. I will have more up later. Also, for people new to the show some
spoilers may be up ahead. Just thought I would warn you.


You have been here before:

There was a time when you considered yourself a good person, but sometimes
you wonder about it. You have been going through an inner conflict. The eyes
of Cooper have been awakened within. But with awakening comes conflict.,
suffering, and much death.

You have been through a new school and you realize that you must say goodbye
to James. You have loved James, but he can't go where you are going. Good
can't last in the fire that will consume you.

Childhood seemed more simple, but now it is onward to maturity. You were
blind to many things, but you also had many crutches to hold onto. The
crutches have been burned up, and you now seem more confused than ever.

Why was I given these gifts? Why can others see my beauty but it seems like
I have a difficult time in doing so? Why have I been through so much
internal and external pressure? What does BOB want with me? Why is BOB so
interested in me and Twin Peaks?

Little do you know that Cooper has heard your cries for help and he
understands. You have begun to see through Cooper's eyes but your eyes still
burn. It is scary, but you know that wisdom and secrets lie on the other
side of all the white noise.

You sometimes feel so alone and wonder if others have been going through
what you have been going through. You wish you could be totally and
completely loved, but you realize that you can not be. You feel unworthy of
Salvation during this part of your journey. You feel alone and that all of
the angels have disappeared. You want to believe, but you can't. You have
forgotten about your talks with the Lion, The Eagle, The King, The Prince,
The Ox and the others....

Those times have faded away in the darkness and now you feel like drinking
the strange fire. You feel the strange fire is your only hope. BOB seems so
big. BOB could be your father, or drugs, or prostitution, or.... If you only
knew that everyone battles their own BOBS. You have seen BOB in others as
well, but never really gave it much thought. One thing is for sure with BOB
you are bound and your arms are pulled back.

BOB wants to posses ever fiber of your being. BOB also wants to be your
father. BOB wants to be you! You see BOB in some of those who are closest to
you. And he always hurts. Sometimes he uses those things and people that you
love so dearly. You can't hide in your clothing.

BOB forces you to do things you never thought you would do. BOB transforms
you into someone you don't like. Someone you hate. You don't want to be a
frog. Deep down you want to be a princess and you want to be loved. You want
more than to just be a Prom Queen. You want to be a real Queen. You want to
be loved.

BOB has raped you on so many levels. He seems to know everything about you.
He knows your innermost diaries. He takes pride in raping you. He likes to
tear pages out of you he does not like.

You sometimes feel the ripping on the inside, stealing and robbing you of
your joy and peace. A consciousnesses of hell. It feels so hopeless. You feel
so helpless. That is just what BOB wants. He wants to keep you in a state of
hopelessness, and helplessness. He wants to keep you blind of the treasure
within.

Beware Of Bob

Unlike BOB you don't need a host to function, but you can be filled. You can
be filled with the good Laura, the bad Laura, or even BOB himself if you
allow it. This filling within sometimes rubs off on your clothes and it
influences those around you. Agent Cooper is the same way. He is a strong
sender.

Your clothes can influence the entire town of Twin Peaks. You are a strong
sender. Your influence is all over Twin Peaks. You can be seen over and over
again. You realize that Bob wants to become you and you are not going to let
him. He wants you. He desires you. He desires you to get to Cooper. But also
he desires you for you. Because deep down he is jealous of you. Jealous of
the love your father has for you. That is why he has tried so hard to
destroy that relationship through Leland. Bob has cluttered your red room.

You know that those closest to you have not ever entered into the Dark Night
Of The Soul. That is why it is so hard for James and Donna to really
understand. It seems like no one understands. It is at this time that you
sometimes desire to take you life, but you would be too depressed to bother.
If only you see the full picture. The picture Cooper sees. The picture Bob
can't see. You feel so alone during this night and the night seems sooooo
long. It seems to never end. Would the angels still be there to love you
when it is over. Would you burn forever?

Although Donna and James love you. The love you seek is deeper. They can't
provide the love you seek or heal the deep wounds that have wounded you.

Leland makes you feel so dirty. He makes you feel like a victim. Helpless.
Leland loves you the best he knows how. He doesn't even see how much he
hurts you. He is blind to it. Leland can not travel down your path. He can't
even see it. He has his own BOB to deal with. The One Armed Man may try, but
you can't medicate BOB. He is always there watching you. You sometimes feel
him. You know he is there. He is with you when you sleep, when you eat and
when you deliver Meals On Wheels . You try to medicate in your own way, but
there he is. Sitting in your red room. Whispering in your ear. How will you
escape? You look around Twin Peaks. Are people so blind. They can't see.
They can't see what BOB is doing in their cities. He is always with them.
Always watching. Watching through his owls. Using their secrets against
them. He knows what buttons to push. Just want to say. He knows how to
seduce to get you to do what he wants.

Leland has made you feel unloved that you feel like you no longer even
deserve to be loved. So, you decide to drink of the strange fire. You know
it is dangerous, but it kind of excites you to eat of the forbidden fruit.
It kind of gives you a sense of power and control. You no longer feel like
Laura. You feel different. Like you have some kind of control. Like you are
getting back at your father somehow. Getting back at him for hurting you.
You want to hurt him back, but at the same time you want him to love you.
You feel sad, but you hold the sadness in. So you can drink the fire. This
fire makes you hard. It makes you crazy. But it also gives you vision, no
matter how dark and a sense of control in the crazy journey you have walked
on. You can no longer be hurt unless you want to be. You will no longer be a
victim and the good Laura always seems to be a victim. The good Laura must
go away.

You remember the words of the Log Lady: "When this kind of fire starts, it
is very hard to put out. The tender boughs of innocence burn first and the
inside rises -- then all goodness is in jeopardy."

So true. Although this strange fire give you a sense of power and control it
also transforms you into someone you don't want to be. Someone you don't
like to be.

Fire Walk With Me.

The Pink Room. Is it worth the price?

You remember the night when you first ate of the strange fire. It was the night with the two truckers. Well, you have been eating it long before then, but that is when it really dawned on you for the first time.

It was the night with the two truckers. You knew there was no return. You would never be a Princess. You felt so numb. Every time you would eat of this fire you would feel so numb. This is the last time. This is the last time I am doing this, but yet here you are again. With your arms bent back as far as they can go.

You have been raped too many times and at times you wonder if you can go on. You feel pressure all around you and inside of you. You have entered into the Dark Night Of The soul.

Although everything is painful. There still is a ray of hope. There still is a new song. A pretty song. A fresh song. A song that will not rape you. You have been raped too many times. Too many times. Music is in the air. A song of hope, not death. But you can't hear the song. Your ears have become too numb. You can only hear him. The one who touched you. The one who hurt you.

All you can hear:

i used to be so big and strong
i used to know my right from wrong
i used to never be afraid
i used to be somebody
i used to have something inside
now just this hole that's open wide
i used to want it all
i used to be somebody

i beat my machine
it's a part of me
it's inside of me
i'm stuck in this dream
it's changing me
i am becoming

Why did you go?
Why did you turn
away from me?

When all the world
seemed to sing
Why, why did you go?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue

How can a heart
that's filled with love
Start to cry?

When all the world
seemed so right
How, how can love die?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue

When did the day
with all it's light
turn into night?

When all the world
seemed to sing
Why, why did you go?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue
Questions in a world of blue

Donna. You never meant to hurt Donna. No matter what Donna is in your life you never want to hurt her, but yet you find those moments when you do. Those moments seem to come so quickly. So fast.

When you look in the mirror you no longer like what you see. Could there be any hope left? Could there be any hope left?

You regret hurting the Donnas of your life. But they can't go where you are going. It seems like this path seems to become more and more narrow the more you walk it.

(some parts of this chapter of the journey where taken from NIN , Julee Cruise and David Lynch)

Braveheart07@fastmail.fm