Away

Just posting this to say I will be away for the next 3 months to 6 months. So, if I don't respond to any posting that is what's up. I will not have access to computers. Anyway, Take care and thanks for visiting my blog.

The Company Of Wolves

You remember when you first began to lose your innocence. It was after your red shawl was destroyed. You felt so protected under the shawl. You felt so safe. But the shawl eventually had to be destroyed. The moment the shawl was destroyed you began to realize the power of your body. And the power of a kiss. The power of the kiss of lust. The kiss of a boy can't satisfy you.

You think back to the stories your Grandma use to tell you. One of those stories was the story of Adam's rib. But you often wondered if it was Adam's rib she was talking about. It may have been something a little lower.

You remember your encounters with the wolves and the devil. It seemed to be both scary and exciting.

Then came the day that your innocence was lost. The toys of your childhood no longer satisfied, and you had to grow up. After awhile you become jaded and want your childhood back. Maybe that would satisfy. But you have reached the point of no return, or have you?

One day you meet someone whose kiss does satisfy. The kiss you have longed for and have yearned for. It is the kiss of unconditional love. The kiss of a King.

Kevin Forest Frasure Braveheart07@fastmail.fm

A Nightmare On Elm Street

A Nightmare On Elm Street

One, Two Freddy's coming for you!
Three, Four Better lock your door!
Five, Six grab your crucifix!
Seven, eight better stay up late!
Nine, ten never sleep again.

Your life has been a nightmare. But deep within you carry a dream. Freddy can't go into your dream. He posses only your nightmare. It all seems so real, doesn't it? But deep within, you know the dream exist. A world exist without Freddy. A world where Freddy can't go. You don't remember when the first time you knew Freddy was with you.

All you know is that the wounds in your soul still hurts. The wounds he plunged into you with his razor sharp hands. The wounds are very deep. You then began to have a revelation of the warrior within. The dream warrior. The person you never knew you could become. You never knew you could be such a mighty warrior of dreams. A mighty warrior against the abyss.

You can only fight so long! Are you tired yet? Fighting the nightmares in your life that so desperately want to destroy the dream within you. You've seen many great dream warriors go down and fall into the abyss. They went down and stayed down. You don't want to be like that.

You learned from each and every warrior you have encountered. From the long haired one in the streets to the one who sings the pretty songs, and the two nice ones hidden away in the cave. The eagle with the many children, the crippled one with the heart of gold, the long haired beauty that is bold as a lion. The list goes on and on and you have learned and received impartation from each and every warrior on your journey.

You later became a dream master. For awhile you thought you have arrived to your final destination, but you haven't. You were just a more skilled dream warrior. All of the darkness and confusion still remained. But then the dream child began to grow inside of you. For awhile you believed the lies of Freddy. That this seed was Freddy's seed and Freddy's child. This seed was not from Freddy at all. To destroy Freddy you must become as a child. When this seed is fully grown, Freddy is no more. Freddy is terrified of the incorruptible seed growing within you.

Although it has been a struggle you realize that the revelation of the warrior and dream master were necessary. Just as the revelation of the growing seed within is necessary as well. The seed grows and grows and the battles with the abyss will one day disappear. The seed produces a light within that is released and manifest through you. As this happens the abyss is swallowed up and must disappear. Have fun on your journey. I speak to the seed within and I say Let it grow. Let it grow. Let it grow! :)


Braveheart07@fastmail.fm

10 Minute Film School

Robert Rodriguez's 10-minute film school

Robert RodriguezGood Morning Class!

Now a famous film-maker a while back said something about 'Everything you need to know about film you can learn in a week.' He was being generous. You can learn it in 10 minutes.

Set your watches we will be out of here in ten kids.

Okay, so you wanna be a film-maker?
(Class choruses 'YES')
Wrong! You ARE a film-maker. The moment you think about that you want to be a fillm-maker you're that. Make yourself a business card that says you're a film-maker, pass them out to your friends, soon as you get that over with and you've got it in your mind that you're one you'll be one, you'll start thinking like one. Don't dream about being a film-maker, you are a film-maker. Now let's get down to business.

Let's Play!!

What you need to learn is that being creative is not enough in this business. You have to become techinical. Creative people are born creative - you're lucky. Technical people however can never be creative. Its something they'll never get. You can't buy it, find it, study it - you're born with it. Too many creative people don't want to learn how to be technical, so what happens? they become dependent on technical people. Become technical, you can learn that. If you're creative and technical, you're unstoppable.

Experience - Do you have experience in movies? You do, right - you WATCH movies. Now you need to have movie experience - you're not going to learn from just watching movies, you're learn some things, you'll learn more picking up a camera, making your own films, your own mistakes - mistakes don't have to be mistakes, everything is subjective - a mistake to one person is actually a piece of art to someone else. Hide behind that, tell everyone its art, you can get away a lot.

Start with a screenplay. Does anybody here know how to write? No - good. Everyone else writes the same way. Start writing your way. That makes you unique. You can take writing classes, that's good, but don't bother to go to film school or you'll be making films like everybody else. We want to see your film.

How do you write a script? Well, you obviously don't have a lot of money or you wouldn't be in my class. So you wanna make a movie but you don't want to spend a lot. You're gonna come up with problems everyday on your set. You can get rid of the problem one of two ways - you can do it creatively or you can wash it away with the money hose. You got no money, you got no hose. So let's make a screenplay for a movie you can actually make without having to make your parents poor. Let's make a cheap movie.

How do you make a cheap movie? - Look around you, what do you have around you? Take stock in what you have. Your father owns a liquor store - make a movie about a liquor store. Do you have a dog? Make a movie about your dog. Your mom works in a nursing home, make a movie about a nursing home. When I did El Mariachi I had a turtle, I had a guitar case, I had a small town and I said I'll make a movie around that.

How do you visualise a movie? With storyboards, you can do that. You can previsualise your movie and draw them out, but what you should really do is make a blank screen for yourself and watch your movie. Close your eyes and stare at this. Imagine a screen, imagine your movie. Shot for shot, cut for cut. Sit there, close your eyes and get rid of everybody, get rid of all your thoughts in your head except your movie and watch your movie. Is it too slow? Is it too fast? Is it funny? Does it make sense? Watch it and then write down what you see. Write down the shots that you see. And then just go get those shots.

The man and his 16mm cameraEquipment. OK let's go over the equipment. The worse the better. You don't want anything too fancy, remember this is your first movie - you're not Spielberg yet. I used this one for El Mariachi, almost the same one, I used a 16M this is a 16S, this is exactly what I had. It helped me move fast because it was light, it was very noisy so I could do the sound in a wacky way, but this thing here would cost you about $2000. Don't spend that kind of money, find some monkey that own's one. I found somone who had one of these sitting around, he wasn't using it. I borrowed it from him, I shot my movie.

(Points at what look's like a damn heavy tripod) Look at it, this is a nice stand, its a very solid stand, y'know what's gonna happen? The camera is gonna stay on the stand, you're just gonna keep it there, 'cos its so nice, meaning your movie's gonna look...stiff. Take it off of there, sit in a wheelchair, push yourself around, get some energy in your film. That's the great thing about first films is that they have so much life and so much energy. Big productions can't even duplicate that energy, because they've got too good a stand and too much crew and everything is really smooth and polished and its lifeless. Add life to your film by getting rid of the fancy stuff. (Points at the tripods) Too good, too heavy, too good - just use your hands.

Here's a lightmeter, this isn't the write one, I broke my other one. This is a spotmeter, that's OK but it's too fancy. You just need one with a little white dome on it, point it to your subject, read the light, look at the number on your lightmeter - remember your lightmeter is your friend - feed that into lens and the iris, and then you're set. Start shooting.

Don't overlight. On Mariachi I had two lights, regular lightbulbs, they were balanced for indoor film, so look fine. In fact everyone said the lighting looked moody because there was very little light . Your mistakes, your shortcomings suddenly becomes artistic expression.

Finally, postproduction. When you've finished shooting your movie what do you do? (Picks up video mixer) These are your friends my friends. Video editing systems, computer editing systems, anything like that, its immediate, its easy, its cheap. Do not cut on film. Film is your enemy. You may be shooting on film but don't cut on film. If any of you want to cut on film get out of my class right now. Go spend $20,000 on a real film school and do that. You'll never get a job though - believe me.

Everything is on computers or video these days. Film is slow, film is expensive, film is not creative - film take's too long. Cut on tape that's what I do. I shot Mariachi for nothing. I edited on video. I had a three-quarter inch master that looked beautiful because the negative was transferred right to tape. There was no middleman so it looked like 35mm - clean, pristine. I made VHS copies of this, sent them out all over Hollywood. I never made a film print. (Picks up film strip) Waste of money. You have to string them up, they get worn out. They're expensive. They're copies of your negative. You don't want that, you don't want copies of your negative, you want your negative...on tape. Where people can duplicate it and watch it and get you work.

OK so you've made your movie, you've cut it, you've got it out, people want you. What do you do? The first thing you want to do is get an agent - right away. Hollywood is full of sharks, you need a shark working for you. These guys go and get you the best deals, they get you the best prices, they get you the best movies.

What you've learnt is what no one else has. How to make a movie dirt cheap. No one else in Hollywwod knows how to do that. You guys can make them cheap, you guys can make them better, don't get swallowed in the system, take advantage of your position.

Now I make movies that are still low budget but they look like big budget movies because I learnt the techniques that I just showed you today.

...and this is an e-flat - twang ! All right I've got to go back and do my own films so I hope you guys learnt something today, I hope you grab some of these cameras and go shoot something of your own, I hope you write down the ideas that you have, the dreams that you have.

Stop aspiring, start doing.

See you in Hollywood - be scary!

18 Minute Film School

The information below is all that you need to know to make a movie. But if you want to learn more than check out Dov S-S Semen's book from Reel To Deal. You can get it from Hollywood Film Institute. It is cheaper than film school and you learn a lot more. The information below was taken from his website. www.webfilmschool.com

I have spend thousands of dollar taking classes that was not worth anything. Dov's book is all you need to know how to make a movie. Now you can take the money you were going to spend on film school and make your movie. But in case you want more classes. Dov offers those as well. Hope this helps. :)


18 minute Film School

1. Film Idea: Take the thought that is in your head and flesh it out by knowing who is the Protagonist (good guy) and Antagonist (bad guy), what the A-story or external (good guy’s desire) story is and then add the three intertwining B-stories (sub-plots), with a resolution. You now have a solid idea!

2. Movie Treatment: Write your film idea into a Three-Act (Beginning, Middle & End), three page, double spaced treatment.
a. On the first half of page 1, with three to four long sentences write “The Beginning” that contains the “5-W’s & 1-H” (Who, What, Where, When, Why & How).
b. On the bottom half of page 3, write “The Ending” where the A-story and sub-plots converge for a resolution.
c. Then write your story’s “The Middle”, with the sub-plots, on the bottom half of page 1, all of page 2 and the top of page 3.
d. Put a title page on this three-page treatment with (A) the title, (B) next line “A Treatment for Feature Film”, (C) next line the word “by”, and (D) next line “your name”. Then in the bottom right hand corner type “For Further Information” and underneath give your contact address, phone # and e-mail address.
e. CONGRATULATIONS, you have now taken the idea that is in your head; fleshed it out and written a feature film treatment.

3. Protection: Send a copy of the treatment to the Writer’s Guild of America (www.wga.org, New York or Los Angeles) along with $20 (you do not have to be a member) and register it. Then, for extra security, send another copy to the Library of Congress (www.loc.gov) with $30 and Copyright it.
a. CONGRATULATIONS, you can now prove the day that your idea became real and a property that you actually own.

4. Screenplay: As the Producer procure the screenplay, based off of the registered treatment, by either hiring a writer to give you two drafts (1st draft in 5 weeks and 2nd draft in 3 weeks, paying $500 to $1,000/week) over two months. If you can’t afford to hire a screenwriter then you will either option an already written (aka: Spec Script) screenplay for $100 or write the script yourself.

5. Low-Budget Script: Since you’ll have little-to-no money to make your first feature, be sure that the script you procure is a “low-budget script”.
a. This means that if screenplays are 90-120 pages long, your “low-budget script” will be 90 pages (30 less pages to worry about).
b. Next there will be no special effects, no action scenes, no crowd scenes, no big name stars and absolutely no crew - location movement.
c. In essence your script is very close to a stage-play. Keep it simple! One location! A courtroom drama, a family dinner, a sorority reunion, etc. “Clerks”, “12 Angry Men”, “Reservoir Dogs”, “Panic Room”, “Phonebooth”, etc.

6. Budget: Be realistic. Do not call $1 million or $2 million low-budget. You will not have access to this amount of cash for your first feature. 99.9% of Independent Filmmakers, on their first shoot, only have access to somewhere between $5,000 and $300,000. Budget accordingly, Independent filmmaker.

7. Schedule: If you have access to $150,000-$300,000 you will most likely be a 3-week (18-day) shoot. With access to $80,000-$150,000 you’ll be a 2-week (13-day) shoot. Finally, if all you have is $5,000-$80,000 then you only have enough money for a 1-week (7-day) shoot. And, with your 90-page screenplay an 18-day shoot will have a 5-page per day shooting schedule; a 13-day shoot will have a 7-page per day schedule, and a 1-week shoot will have a shooting schedule of 10-12 pages per day.

8. Format: Film (35mm or 16mm) or Tape (Digital)? The bottom line is, “What does you budget allow?”. With $150,000-$300,000 you will be a 35mm Film shoot for 3 weeks. With access to $120,000-$150,000 you will be a 35mm Film 2-week shoot. With access to $80,000-$120,000 you will either be a 35mm Film 1-week shoot or a 16mm Film 2-week shoot. With access to anything less than $80,000 ($5,000?, $20,000?, $50,000?, etc) you will not be a film format but will use electronic cameras (tape) and the format will be called Digital Video - or specifically, Mini-Digital Video (Mini-DV) and you’ll use either a Canon (XL-1s), a Sony (PD-150), or a JVC (500DVU) camera which can be bought for about $3,000. You could also shoot 24/P high-def by using the brand new $3500 Panasonic (DVX100).

9. Resources: 1st get your local film directory (phonebook for film crew & equipment) from your respective film commissioner (www.afci.org). 2nd get your paperwork (forms, agreements, checklists, contracts, storyboards, etc) and get organized from the following (“Contracts for Film & TV”, “Complete Film Production Handbook”, “Independent Producer’s Guide to Film & TV Contracts”, “Film Scheduling”, “Film Scheduling & Budgeting Workbook”, “Film Director’s team”, “Storyboards: Motion in Art” and “From Word to Image”) books. 3rd procure your software (screenwriting, budgeting or scheduling) from any of the numerous screenwriting sites

10. Equipment: Assuming $150,000-$300,000 you will rent 35mm CAMERAS (Arriflex or Panavision) and a DOLLY (Fisher or Chapman) from local rental facility on a “2-Day” rate of about $4,000/week. LIGHTS & GRIP equipment will come from a Gaffer (Lighting Director), with an independent truck that you found advertised in your local directory at a rate of $2,000-3,000/week. SOUND will come from a soundman (found in the directory), with their own equipment (Recorder, Microphones, & Mixer), at $1,500-2,000/week rate.

11. Location(s): Procure your shooting location(s)(apartment, house, garage, store, restaurant, etc.), but be sure you get a signed release (needed for E&O insurance) from the owner/tenant, on a $100 per day rate, with some $100 bills stored in your pocket to buy off any inconvenience causted to neighbors by the shoot.

12. Direct: 1st Cast Your Actors: During pre-production, hire a casting director ($500/day) to get 4-6 actors to read per part. 2nd Rehearsal: have one reading (aka: Table Reading) at the location with your cast. Shoot: With the cameras and actors at the location select shots in this order: first get a Master Shot, then two Medium (Over-the-Shoulder) Shots, and then a Close-up with a couple of Cut-aways. This is five to six shots per scene or page. With a 3-week shoot (5-pages/day) resulting in 25-35 shots/day schedule, that only allows 20-25 minutes/shot.

13: The Shoot: Stay on schedule 5-pages/day (3-week shoot), 25-35 shots/day as you stay on budget (don’t write any extra checks and don’t run out of film) and get excellent coverage. Arrive at the set at 6:00am shoot until 7:00pm (its dark), spend 2 hours of wrap and planning for the next day and at least 1 hour at late-night dailies. You will start at 6:00am and finish each day at 10:00pm-12:00pm. This is a 16-18 hour workday. Do this everyday for 3-weeks and you have shot your movie.

14. Edit & Post: Hire a picture editor to give you six edits (aka: cuts) over 2 months. Then hire a sound editor (create an additional 10-20 sound tracks) over 1 month. Next, rent a post production sound facility for a couple of days of ADR (lip syncing and voice overs), then Foley (footsteps and clothes rustling), procure your M&E (for foreign sales) track and contract for your original music score. Then combine all these sound tracks during a Re-recording session.

15. Lab & Print: You’re almost done! Have the lab make an optical sound track, then cut the negative to conform to your workprint’s edit list, then color correct the cut negative and strike an answer print with the titles, dissolves, fades and sound track included. You’re done! You’ve made your first movie!

16. Publicity: Now let’s make money! One month prior to the shoot have your film listed in the trades’ (Daily Variety & Hollywood Reporter) film production charts. Handle the phone calls from distributors (Acquisition Executives) who want to screen your film. Be sure that you get action photos of your film being shot during production and create a slick looking press kit during post-production.

17. Distributors: There are 6-7 major distributors (Warners, Paramount, Disney, etc), 6-7 mini-major distributors (Miramax, New Line, etc), 10-12 independent distributors (Strand, Lionsgate, etc) and 15-20 foreign sale distributors (Curb, Concorde, Troma, etc). When these 35-45 Distributors (Acquisition Executives) call to screen your film (never give an exclusive showing) notify them at what festival you will be premiering.

18. Festivals: Of the 200-3,000 film festivals each year you must get your film accepted in one of the 10-15 major (Sundance, Toronto, Telluride, Tribeca, etc) festivals that these 35-45 Acquisition Execs attend. Have your premiere. Hopefully the theater sells out, with a clearly defined audience demographics, that love the film and applauds loudly at the closing titles. You proudly leave the auditorium and enter the theater’s lobby where, if you’ve done proper publicity, there are at least 7-10, of the 35-45, Acquisition Executives who want to procure distribution rights.

19. Distribution: Negotiate, during the next 12-18 hours, with the 7-10 distributors who want to pick up your film. Don’t be by yourself. Have an agent, a producer’s representative or an entertainment attorney with you. Negotiate the major 25 “deal memo” points. Such as: How much money up front? North American or Foreign deal? What’s the P&A (Prints and Advertising) budget? What’s the Distribution Fee? Who’s got each of the “Windows” (PPV, VOD, Cable, Video/DVD, etc) and for how long? Who has each of the foreign nation (Italy, Germany, Japan, Brazil, etc) sales? What about Profits?

20. Profits: Now get an accountant ready to audit and an attorney ready to sue and enforce the contract. However, prior to your accountant and your attorney you will now have an agent (ICM, CAA, UTA, APA, etc) who is readying you for a “3-picture deal”, a house in Malibu, meetings with stars and a humble acceptance speech. Along the way there will be wonderful salaries, super and massive profits garnered from Box Office Grosses, Foreign Sales, Video/DVD deals, Cable Sales and ancillary revenues from music album, merchandising and licensing.

21. One Year+: It has taken 12-18 months, but you have launched your filmmaking career with your first no-budget feature film that you either wrote, produced or directed that garnered a lot of press and publicity at a major film festival.


You have just received a solid foundation of filmmaking information from which you can build on to become a successful filmmaker. At HFI my motto is “The most information in the shortest period of time”. Thus, to get the full lesson and launch your filmmaking career, then take one of my six ways to launch your filmmaking career.

The Inward Journey Of Laura Palmer Part One

The Inward Journey Of Laura Palmer
The last issue of Wrapped in Plastic inspired me to write the Inward Journey
Of Laura. I will have more up later. Also, for people new to the show some
spoilers may be up ahead. Just thought I would warn you.


You have been here before:

There was a time when you considered yourself a good person, but sometimes
you wonder about it. You have been going through an inner conflict. The eyes
of Cooper have been awakened within. But with awakening comes conflict.,
suffering, and much death.

You have been through a new school and you realize that you must say goodbye
to James. You have loved James, but he can't go where you are going. Good
can't last in the fire that will consume you.

Childhood seemed more simple, but now it is onward to maturity. You were
blind to many things, but you also had many crutches to hold onto. The
crutches have been burned up, and you now seem more confused than ever.

Why was I given these gifts? Why can others see my beauty but it seems like
I have a difficult time in doing so? Why have I been through so much
internal and external pressure? What does BOB want with me? Why is BOB so
interested in me and Twin Peaks?

Little do you know that Cooper has heard your cries for help and he
understands. You have begun to see through Cooper's eyes but your eyes still
burn. It is scary, but you know that wisdom and secrets lie on the other
side of all the white noise.

You sometimes feel so alone and wonder if others have been going through
what you have been going through. You wish you could be totally and
completely loved, but you realize that you can not be. You feel unworthy of
Salvation during this part of your journey. You feel alone and that all of
the angels have disappeared. You want to believe, but you can't. You have
forgotten about your talks with the Lion, The Eagle, The King, The Prince,
The Ox and the others....

Those times have faded away in the darkness and now you feel like drinking
the strange fire. You feel the strange fire is your only hope. BOB seems so
big. BOB could be your father, or drugs, or prostitution, or.... If you only
knew that everyone battles their own BOBS. You have seen BOB in others as
well, but never really gave it much thought. One thing is for sure with BOB
you are bound and your arms are pulled back.

BOB wants to posses ever fiber of your being. BOB also wants to be your
father. BOB wants to be you! You see BOB in some of those who are closest to
you. And he always hurts. Sometimes he uses those things and people that you
love so dearly. You can't hide in your clothing.

BOB forces you to do things you never thought you would do. BOB transforms
you into someone you don't like. Someone you hate. You don't want to be a
frog. Deep down you want to be a princess and you want to be loved. You want
more than to just be a Prom Queen. You want to be a real Queen. You want to
be loved.

BOB has raped you on so many levels. He seems to know everything about you.
He knows your innermost diaries. He takes pride in raping you. He likes to
tear pages out of you he does not like.

You sometimes feel the ripping on the inside, stealing and robbing you of
your joy and peace. A consciousnesses of hell. It feels so hopeless. You feel
so helpless. That is just what BOB wants. He wants to keep you in a state of
hopelessness, and helplessness. He wants to keep you blind of the treasure
within.

Beware Of Bob

Unlike BOB you don't need a host to function, but you can be filled. You can
be filled with the good Laura, the bad Laura, or even BOB himself if you
allow it. This filling within sometimes rubs off on your clothes and it
influences those around you. Agent Cooper is the same way. He is a strong
sender.

Your clothes can influence the entire town of Twin Peaks. You are a strong
sender. Your influence is all over Twin Peaks. You can be seen over and over
again. You realize that Bob wants to become you and you are not going to let
him. He wants you. He desires you. He desires you to get to Cooper. But also
he desires you for you. Because deep down he is jealous of you. Jealous of
the love your father has for you. That is why he has tried so hard to
destroy that relationship through Leland. Bob has cluttered your red room.

You know that those closest to you have not ever entered into the Dark Night
Of The Soul. That is why it is so hard for James and Donna to really
understand. It seems like no one understands. It is at this time that you
sometimes desire to take you life, but you would be too depressed to bother.
If only you see the full picture. The picture Cooper sees. The picture Bob
can't see. You feel so alone during this night and the night seems sooooo
long. It seems to never end. Would the angels still be there to love you
when it is over. Would you burn forever?

Although Donna and James love you. The love you seek is deeper. They can't
provide the love you seek or heal the deep wounds that have wounded you.

Leland makes you feel so dirty. He makes you feel like a victim. Helpless.
Leland loves you the best he knows how. He doesn't even see how much he
hurts you. He is blind to it. Leland can not travel down your path. He can't
even see it. He has his own BOB to deal with. The One Armed Man may try, but
you can't medicate BOB. He is always there watching you. You sometimes feel
him. You know he is there. He is with you when you sleep, when you eat and
when you deliver Meals On Wheels . You try to medicate in your own way, but
there he is. Sitting in your red room. Whispering in your ear. How will you
escape? You look around Twin Peaks. Are people so blind. They can't see.
They can't see what BOB is doing in their cities. He is always with them.
Always watching. Watching through his owls. Using their secrets against
them. He knows what buttons to push. Just want to say. He knows how to
seduce to get you to do what he wants.

Leland has made you feel unloved that you feel like you no longer even
deserve to be loved. So, you decide to drink of the strange fire. You know
it is dangerous, but it kind of excites you to eat of the forbidden fruit.
It kind of gives you a sense of power and control. You no longer feel like
Laura. You feel different. Like you have some kind of control. Like you are
getting back at your father somehow. Getting back at him for hurting you.
You want to hurt him back, but at the same time you want him to love you.
You feel sad, but you hold the sadness in. So you can drink the fire. This
fire makes you hard. It makes you crazy. But it also gives you vision, no
matter how dark and a sense of control in the crazy journey you have walked
on. You can no longer be hurt unless you want to be. You will no longer be a
victim and the good Laura always seems to be a victim. The good Laura must
go away.

You remember the words of the Log Lady: "When this kind of fire starts, it
is very hard to put out. The tender boughs of innocence burn first and the
inside rises -- then all goodness is in jeopardy."

So true. Although this strange fire give you a sense of power and control it
also transforms you into someone you don't want to be. Someone you don't
like to be.

Fire Walk With Me.

The Pink Room. Is it worth the price?

You remember the night when you first ate of the strange fire. It was the night with the two truckers. Well, you have been eating it long before then, but that is when it really dawned on you for the first time.

It was the night with the two truckers. You knew there was no return. You would never be a Princess. You felt so numb. Every time you would eat of this fire you would feel so numb. This is the last time. This is the last time I am doing this, but yet here you are again. With your arms bent back as far as they can go.

You have been raped too many times and at times you wonder if you can go on. You feel pressure all around you and inside of you. You have entered into the Dark Night Of The soul.

Although everything is painful. There still is a ray of hope. There still is a new song. A pretty song. A fresh song. A song that will not rape you. You have been raped too many times. Too many times. Music is in the air. A song of hope, not death. But you can't hear the song. Your ears have become too numb. You can only hear him. The one who touched you. The one who hurt you.

All you can hear:

i used to be so big and strong
i used to know my right from wrong
i used to never be afraid
i used to be somebody
i used to have something inside
now just this hole that's open wide
i used to want it all
i used to be somebody

i beat my machine
it's a part of me
it's inside of me
i'm stuck in this dream
it's changing me
i am becoming

Why did you go?
Why did you turn
away from me?

When all the world
seemed to sing
Why, why did you go?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue

How can a heart
that's filled with love
Start to cry?

When all the world
seemed so right
How, how can love die?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue

When did the day
with all it's light
turn into night?

When all the world
seemed to sing
Why, why did you go?

Was it me?
Was it you?
Questions in a world of blue
Questions in a world of blue

Donna. You never meant to hurt Donna. No matter what Donna is in your life you never want to hurt her, but yet you find those moments when you do. Those moments seem to come so quickly. So fast.

When you look in the mirror you no longer like what you see. Could there be any hope left? Could there be any hope left?

You regret hurting the Donnas of your life. But they can't go where you are going. It seems like this path seems to become more and more narrow the more you walk it.

(some parts of this chapter of the journey where taken from NIN , Julee Cruise and David Lynch)

Braveheart07@fastmail.fm

HORROR ILLUSION

Welcome to reality. The world as you have known has faded and your eyes has been opened. You are about to enter the world of the Seer. The world of seeing the unseen. Are you ready? Enjoy the journey that awaits you...